The Beginning of the End

The beginning of the end

This has been the trend

I’m not sure when or where it started

Since we dipped, we dodged, we avoided and we darted

20 years down the drain

Eventually all I could see was the pain

It was springtime and I thought we were going one way

No matter how many times I went to the park or what I had to say

Turns out we were headed that way all along

It’s in this marriage, I don’t belong

So much hurt and pain down the way

I just can’t take another day

My body knew before my mind

And I fought so hard to be aligned

I worked and worked to come back home to myself

Never again will I put me on a shelf

I built a website and started sharing my art

Now all I’m missing is my heart

I went to yoga, started journaling and reading again

All I could do was pick up the pen

He dared to ask me how I changed

Said that what he needs is a chick to bang

Told me I was unhealed and that I was crazy

Said everything I needed to hear until it was hazy

He said I didn’t support his goals

Seems he’s more interested in digging these holes

I told him that it wasn’t the right time

And that there weren’t enough dimes

For so long I thought – I wished – that he would change with me

But I’m no longer willing to let myself bleed

I’m tired of his manipulations and his vast many lies

What I saw that day was a fire in his eyes

All he lives for is external validation

Yet he couldn’t even plan a damn vacation

It’s true that I did change

What I found was my light, my strength, and my range

He’s like a scab that I keep picking

And these wounds won’t heal because I keep sticking

All he does is bring me down

He didn’t even take me out on the town

In this moment, right now, there is nothing to gain

But I know I don’t want to be in anymore pain

This relationship became toxic to my well-being

Too bad at the beginning I wasn’t all-seeing

Did everything he could to push me away

Now it’s difficult choices that I must weigh

My heart, my life, including my light

I stood up for myself and told him it wasn’t right

From emotional chaos and terrible bits

I suppose there were two good things that came out of it

My son and learning to love myself

Focusing on self-mastery and the love and light within thyself

It got to a place where there was a void of nothing

Sometimes I tell myself I didn’t see it coming

It was the beginning of the end

But now I realize it’s my heart I can mend